Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a subtype of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder where the focus of obsession is your romantic relationship. Instead of being able to engage with a partner in a straightforward way, the mind gets stuck on doubts like:

• “Do I really love them?”
• “Are they really right for me?”
• “What if I’m settling?”
• “What if there’s someone better?”
   

ROCD is not normal ambivalence or thoughtful reflection about a relationship. It’s a pattern of intrusive doubt and compulsive mental checking that can consume large amounts of time and emotional energy.

People with Relationship OCD often experience:

• Intrusive questions about the rightness of the relationship
• Hyper-focus on flaws in the partner or relationship
• Obsessive comparing of current and past partners
• Fears of “wasting time” or being “trapped” in the wrong relationship
• Fear that staying means betraying themselves—or that leaving means making a catastrophic mistake
   

The core problem is not the relationship itself—but the OCD-driven need for certainty.

Compulsions are the things you do—internally or externally—to try to feel sure about the relationship. They temporarily reduce anxiety but maintain the ROCD cycle.

• Constantly analyzing feelings (“Do I feel enough?”)
• Replaying moments to evaluate connection or attraction
• Creating mental pros/cons lists over and over
• Comparing your relationship to others’ relationships
• Testing yourself with hypothetical scenarios (“If they left, how would I feel?”)
   

• Asking friends, family, or therapists if the relationship seems “good”
• Looking for signs that your partner is “the one”
• Searching online for answers about what “real love” should feel like
   

• Checking your body for attraction or romantic feelings
• Breaking up and returning repeatedly to “see how it feels”
• Scanning your partner’s behavior for red flags or “proof”
   

• Avoiding big decisions (moving in, engagement, children)
• Avoiding conversations about the future
• Avoiding romantic situations that might trigger doubt
   

These behaviors keep the system stuck: Doubt → Anxiety → Compulsion → Brief Relief → More Doubt.

ROCD attaches itself to high-stakes areas: love, commitment, values, identity, future plans. That makes every doubt feel important, urgent, and risky to ignore.

This leads to:

• Overinterpreting normal fluctuations in emotion
• Confusing anxiety or numbness with “proof” something is wrong
• Treating certainty as a prerequisite for being in or staying in a relationship
• Believing that the “right” relationship should remove all doubt
   

In reality, OCD is demanding absolute certainty in an area where humans never have it.

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the gold-standard treatment for OCD, including ROCD.

ERP for Relationship OCD focuses on:

• Reducing compulsive checking of feelings and compatibility
• Allowing relationship doubts to exist without trying to solve them
• Exposing yourself to triggers (photos, future plans, time with your partner) without reassurance rituals
• Learning to tolerate uncertainty about the relationship
• Breaking the idea that you must feel “100% sure” to move forward
   

• Writing and reading scripts about feared outcomes (e.g., “What if this isn’t the perfect relationship?”)
• Looking at photos, messages, or reminders of your partner without checking your emotional reaction
• Reducing “temperature checks” on attraction or love
• Practicing living your life and values in the relationship without trying to fix every doubt
   

ERP does not tell you to stay or leave. It helps you make decisions without OCD running the process.

You may be dealing with ROCD if:

• You feel stuck in repetitive doubt about your partner or relationship
• You constantly analyze whether your feelings are “strong enough”
• You compare your relationship to others to see if it measures up
• You seek frequent reassurance about whether this relationship is right
• Your doubts feel intrusive, cyclical, and disproportionate to what’s actually happening
• Relationship decisions feel paralyzing because you’re chasing perfect certainty
   

ROCD is not:

• Reasonable reflection about compatibility
• Making thoughtful choices about staying or leaving
• Responding to clear patterns of abuse or major value violations
   

ROCD is characterized by intrusive doubts + compulsive attempts to get certainty—even when the relationship is otherwise functional, safe, and aligned with your values.

Whatif provides telehealth ERP therapy for Relationship OCD and other OCD subtypes across California, including:
Los Angeles • San Diego • Orange County • San Francisco • Sacramento • Long Beach • Oakland • Riverside • San Jose • Fresno • Bakersfield • and statewide.